Food Is Not The Answer!

     How many movies have you seen where a woman gets her heart broken and then dives head first into a pint of ice cream? It seems to be the acceptable norm. I think we are taught at a young age that food is the answer to many of life's problems. You're happy? Celebrate and eat. You did something awesome? Reward yourself with a cupcake. You're sad...heartbroken? Get out that pint of ice cream because it will make you feel better. Does this resonate with anyone else? I'm going to be completely honest here, I am an emotional eater. I have never really had a great relationship with food. When I was younger, eating a lot of junk food was fine because I was skinny and it didn't seem to affect me. When I got older, however, it became very apparent how unhealthy my relationship with food really was.

Me age 6

           In 8th grade I started hating my body. I was told how fat I was and I stupidly bought into that lie. I was 5'5'' and 120 lbs. folks, I was far from being fat. But I believed the people who would tell me that because I wasn't a size 0 I was fat and ugly. I then began to hate myself and my body so much that I became anorexic. I was hungry all the time and that's when one of friends told me about bulimia. The thought was so appealing...to be able to eat whatever I wanted and still lose weight. I was like that for only a year or so. This is the one time I'm glad that I was constantly changing my mind as a teenager.

9th grade after bulimia 

     Even though I was no longer anorexic or bulimic, I still didn't have a good relationship with food. It then became my comfort. I was really sad and depressed for years because of the bullying at school and rough things that no kid should ever have to deal with, so I turned to food. I was still fairly thin until I got married. My relationship with my new husband was anything but happy and I again found myself depressed most of the time. I felt worthless, ugly, fat, and stupid...again believing the lies that I was told. So, I turned to food as my comfort and began to eat more and more. I would binge on food just like when I was bulimic, but I wouldn't purge. I would eat until I made myself sick, but I still didn't purge so I began to pack on the weight. With every pound I gained, I hated myself more and more. I was teased in my own home and made to feel like I wasn't good enough the way I was. I had three kids and with every one I gained 40+ pounds. 

     I'm realizing now just how broken I really was. I wish I could go back and talk to that younger version of me and explain to her just how beautiful she was and tell her to ignore the stupid people who only felt good about themselves when they were tearing other people down. I wish I could tell her to turn to God instead of food, because He has the answers...not food. Unfortunately that isn't possible, so here I am now at 30 years old and learning to love myself and my body again. That's what my journey is all about. I'm learning to find healthier alternatives to turn to when I am sad, mad, or stressed. Food is not the answer. It might be comforting short term, but ultimately it will just end with me feeling even worse about myself. I am learning to tune out those even present voices that tell me I'm not good enough. I'm starting to realize that the things that are said come out of their own insecurities, and really have very little to do with me.

     Friends, whoever you are, don't turn to food with your problems...it doesn't help long term. Find better alternatives to your problems and stress. Meditate. Pray. Journal. Talk with a friend. Do something else besides run to the fridge when life gets hard, because the only person you are hurting is you and you are worth more than that. You are beautiful (or handsome). You are intelligent and worthy of love. Don't let anyone ever bring you down and try to tell you otherwise.

Until next time!

Summer